SCREAM!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!?!

Ok...so maybe I'm a little off the edge. It's either the medication or my "insides" talking here. I hate it when people only talk to you just to say they're too busy or they'll say they'll do something and then they forget - especially those events that mean something to you.

I know I'm guilty of this myself, but when this person that you're talking to is someone you care about, and they just don't reply back until you talk/text/call a second time to see what's up to get them to talk and it's only to say that they're tired. I'm fed up. This apparently has been a common occurrence with not just one person but several people close to me. Maybe I just don't have enough of a life or just call those close to me shitty friends.

That's it, I'm going to stop texting/calling these people. It's about time I actually stop being so "considerate" of others just to see how they're lives or even their day went and care about my own damn happiness. All my life I've put other's happiness above my own. I'm going to live my own damn life. Tomorrow, I'm going to go shopping, get a makeover, something that will actually please myself. I've gone to movies by myself before and I believe that anyone should be independent and have the confidence to do stuff on their own. Forget "them" for a day.

I just watched the movie "The Women" and I learned something. The secret to life is...

"DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ANYONE"

I should have taken on that advice long ago. You know what, I even realized that I'm happier alone sometimes - with the exception of my family, whom I will always love.

Because "so what, I'm still a fuckn ROCKSTAR, and I got my kick ass ROCK MOVES, and I don't need you, guess what, I'm having more fun, now that we're done, and I'm going to show you tonight, I'm alright, I'm just fine, and you're a TOOL!"

Yea I quoted Pink, but that is a pretty kick ass song

:::EDIT:::

Oh hormones, you never fail me. Women are an interesting species are they not. Forgive me, but anger had blinded me once again.

Just like Brian in Family Guy and that novel he's ALWAYS writing (yeah right)
I believe I will express myself through painting again...but what will I paint?

I want to do these things, write a novel or paint a painting...but I've only seem to get the motivation and the effort when somebody tells me what I should paint and that I feel that I must..sort of like a homework assignment. It's probably why I liked writing and painting in school. Just needed a particular topic.

When I wanted to write, however, I usually write journals about non-sensical stuff like my life? Naw, my life has meaning though it doesn't make sense, sometimes. I also like to include quotes and sometimes reflect on them on how they relate to my life...then I lose interest in writing and I end up leaving a perfectly good journal, unwritten. Then I feel bad for leaving it that way and I try to finish it but it seems like I can't fill the gap of time I didn't write in it...

wow, got a little deep..

so any suggestions?? First off should I write or should I paint or both? What should I paint or write??

I used to be a huge xanga fanatic back in high school, but like all fads, I switched from xanga to myspace to facebook. Now, I find myself returning to where it all started and to jot down my thoughts. I've always find myself, wanting to write, but never really had a reason to, just a desire I suppose. I want to fill a book with my writings, each page my own, but what do I write? and so it begins....